Leila Lois is a dancer and writer of Kurdish and Celtic heritage who has lived most of her life in Aotearoa. Her publishing history includes journals in Australia, New Zealand, Canada and the USA. www.leilaloisdances.com/writing
Fade into you
At the airport, teary-eyed, I reach for Coco Mademoiselle, sparkling jasmine, rose, patchouli.
I want to remember myself in my breathless twenties. I confused departure lounges with
home as a child. Doesn’t age bring both depth and anxiety? I order a glass of wine on the
flight, listen to Handel’s Oboe Concerto, & think of all the poems I want to write about you
as if no one has ever been in love before, your heart dances in your chest, which is beautiful
by the way, statuesque. Last night, Hope Sandoval sang “I want to hold the hand inside you”
& your finger was inside me, our bodies signing infinity. You are every dark lover in new
wave cinema, every soft-papered love letter ever penned. I drift, zero gravity, the aircraft
scaling the sky. I never want this feeling to end.